Paying Attention to your Internal Dialogue
Gratitude
5 Motivational Tips for Starting Something New
In light of it being the start of a new year, I thought it might be helpful to discuss the concept of starting something new. It seems like there is a lot of glamour and mystery in the idea of starting something new. A new job, a new school, a new opportunity, a new hobby, a new sport, etc. The opportunity to start fresh and make a good impression. But there is also the fear and anxiety of the unknown that accompanies that excitement and mystery. And if it has been a while since you have started something new, you might have forgotten how painful it can actually be to find yourself in a situation where you are not the expert on the matter. You may have experience with the task or the topic. You may have done it a long time ago. You might know that you will be great at it once you finally get it down. But it’s the ‘getting good’ that presents the challenge. And this is even harder for our egos to swallow if we have become accustomed to knowing how things are done and now we find ourselves starting all over. So here are some tips to keep in mind when you are feeling particularly challenged by your new experience:
- Rome was not built in a day. – I know there is a strong desire to dive in headfirst and prove to yourself and everyone that you are a rockstar. While it is extremely valuable to be eager and ambitious, it is also smart to proceed with caution and build a good foundation prior to taking the plunge. In the beginning, slow and steady might just win the race. If you rush through the basics, you may find yourself scrambling when you increase the difficulty of the task or activity. A good solid foundation is always a great recipe for success in the long run.
- Be open-minded and listen carefully. – Learning something new is what you choose to make of it. If you choose to question everything, you might be hindering your ability to open up to a new way of looking at things. And that new way of looking at things may, in fact, be your key to your future success. Just remember that you only know what you think you know and you don’t know what you don’t know.
- Be prepared for the unexpected. – You may be surprised that something you thought you knew well, you might not know as well as you thought. This makes me think of Forrest Gumps’ “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get” quote. You may think that you will be great at something right out of the great, but then you may struggle where you never thought you would. The more you can choose to embrace the reality of what is instead of what you believe to be true about yourself and your ability, the stronger you will come out in the long run. And you may find that you are more perseverant than you imagined.
- Embrace what you know to be true for you. – If you know you are a visual person, speak up, create visual components that will help you succeed. Do what you know works for you. You have been yourself your whole life. No one knows what works for you better than you do. And you might have to be your own advocate. You might have to create your own version of things. But knowing that and doing what it takes might just be what gets you where you need to be and you will be better for it.
- Stick it out ‘til you figure it out. – Do not quit. Do not ever give up on yourself. Even if you determine that you may not end up being the best, complete the program, finish the course, learn one song, play one game. There is something to be said for seeing something through. Even if you determine that it is not for you. Honor your commitments. It reflects on your character, but more importantly, it speaks to how you see your own value. If you promised yourself to try, you owe it to yourself to see it through for your own personal value and integrity to yourself. And who knows, you might surprise yourself. Often we tend to quit, give up, or sabotage ourselves when we feel challenged so we can blame someone else when we fail. But this only hurts you, because now you will never know what would have happened if you had stuck it out.
Here is a fabulous music video by Avicci called Broken Arrows that I think displays the concept of persevering extraordinarily well. Enjoy!
Additional Credits:
- Featured Photo by Jordan Christian on Unsplash
- Avicci – Broken Arrow
Recharging After the Holidays
I don’t know about you, but I always come out of the holiday season drained. All the events, the rushing, the extra-exertion can really take it out of you and leave you feeling depleted. And if you are an empath like I am, you may also notice that you are on energy absorption overload.
Empath – (loosely defined) A person who absorbs the emotions and energy of others involuntarily – click the hyperlink above for a more complete definition.
I thought it might be helpful to suggest a few ways to rejuvenate your energy field and reconnect you with yourself. Not so much as to say a new year a new you. More like revitalizing who you already are and clearing the way to let you shine in the new year!
Remember that these tips are really great tools not just to use when you are feeling depleted. They are good to incorporate into your daily, weekly, and monthly routines. You will find that taking a little time for personal restoration and care can be quite a transformative experience.
Please share in the comments if you have any suggested personal restoration tips or techniques or any of your own personal experiences. Remember this is an opportunity for us to all learn and grow together! I hope you chime in!
Happy New Year! And until next time!
We need to start talking!
Taking the Leap
Hey Friends! I am going skydiving for the first time for my 35th birthday and it has got me thinking; when was the last time you took the leap? When was the last time that you threw caution to the wind and took the chance you’ve been too afraid to take? Maybe it’s something huge, or maybe it just feels huge. Maybe it’s time to heal that relationship that’s been rocky… maybe it’s time to turn the page… maybe you’ve been wanting to start a project… maybe you just want to make a change. Whatever it is… the time is now. Do it! Stop worrying, stop letting fear rule your life. It’s time to face up to what you are afraid of. Stare it square in the face and tell it that you aren’t running anymore. Then see how you feel. Has anything changed? Has everything changed? Do you still feel stuck? Do you feel liberated? Do you feel something? Anything? Even scared? It’s ok to feel… It’s ok to be scared. It’s not ok to not feel. It’s not ok to ignore it. Life is meant to be lived, felt, experienced to the fullest. We are only here once! As my husband would say, we will never be here again! So take the leap! Choose to live, choose to feel, choose to be scared and do it anyway. Whatever is plaguing you, face it, embrace it! That is why we are here!
Today is the day to fall back in love with life, with yourself! If something isn’t working, address it. I know how it can feel when it seems like there are no answers, no way out. But the truth is, you always have more power than you know. You can make choices, you can choose to think differently, you can choose to see things from another perspective. Would that make a difference? Today, I will be choosing to see things from a birds-eye-view. I don’t know what that will change, but I am certain it will shift my view of life. That is the beautiful thing about being human. We are always growing, always changing, always able to shift our lives, our thoughts, our perspective. And frequently, that “trapped” feeling is actually a product of our conditioned mind that has been molded by society, our parents, our friends, our family. And that is wonderful, as long as it is working for you. But if you ever find that it is not, remember that you have the power to choose for yourself, think for yourself, live in your truth. So if you aren’t living your truth, today is the day for you to take the leap! Dive into the person you are instead of the person others have told you to be. Take a deep breath, take the leap, and take it in! As for me, I’m diving into the sky and planning to enjoy the sensation, the fear, the excitement, and the view. See you on the other side!
Dealing With Conflict
Do you know that feeling you get in your gut that tells you something is wrong? That gut reaction that comes up when you are around someone and you feel as though they are not forthcoming about their feelings about you? Or maybe you feel like they are not telling you the whole story. Maybe you feel like they are laughing or talking about you when you aren’t around. It is always important to trust that feeling. It is your natural defense mechanism alerting you that there is foul play going on in the situation concerning you. But the question is, what do you do when you get that feeling? How do you handle it? How do you protect yourself from the threat that you are being faced with? How do you respond when action is taken that confirms your gut instinct that something is wrong?
I have certainly been faced with this situation more than a couple of times in my life. However, only a few times where I was left to my own ability to reconcile it within myself as communication was simply not an option. So I am going to share some of the lessons I’ve learned throughout the process, as I am convinced that I am not the only person who has been faced with this situation and had to cope with this issue. I have found that the main source of empowerment is to change your way of thinking about the person or the situation. If you feel trapped or stuck, that is going to perpetuate that trapped feeling as you navigate the conflict. If you can find a way to shift your perspective to one of empowerment, you can begin to regain your power in the once seemingly hopeless situation you find yourself in.
While listening to an Oprah interview with Byron Katie discussing her book titled, Loving What Is. Katie was talking about this same notion of changing your thinking, specifically when it is in contrast with close friends and family members and what they think of you and expect from you. I was instantly inspired while listening to the interview because it made me think of a situation where I received the most heartbreaking feedback from someone that I was genuinely trying to connect with. These debilitating comments leveled me to my core and stopped me in my tracks.
After the experience, I did a lot of introspection on how I believed I had failed. Now, the first thing I was realized was that I felt judged. That helped me to understand that I was behaving in a very reactive manner. This was in contrast with the behavior I desired to portray. I wanted to demonstrate a position of confidence in myself and my choices that I was making. Truthfully, I was caught off guard in many ways and I tried to react in the best way I could, but I had not yet developed the skills to handle the situation in the positive way I would have liked. Considering the depth of angry emotion being projected toward me, I’m not sure it would have changed the outcome, but I would have felt better about how I was handling myself at the moment. One thing I learned is that sometimes we are always doing the best we can with where we are at and that principle, by default, applies to the adversary in the situation as well.
One of the principle lessons I took from the Byron Katie interview was her take on the fact that an act of defense is the equivalent of engaging in war. I certainly felt that applied in the situation I was referencing above. It makes sense though, that the mere act of reacting to the adversary is thereby engaging in battle with them. What if you chose not to react. Let’s say you opted to simply ignore their taunts. If they cannot engage you, they cannot battle with you. Now they are merely battling with themselves.
The lesson here is to remember that YOU CANNOT CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE. You cannot control their thoughts, you cannot change their thoughts about you. But YOU CAN CONTROL YOU, YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND YOUR OWN ACTIONS!
It seems like such a simple concept, but I assure you, remembering this in the heat of “battle” is life-altering. It allows you to regroup, regain your footing, retake YOUR POWER OVER YOU! In my situation, I realized I was allowing someone who truly knew very little about me, who had taken little to no initiative to know or understand me and I was giving them the power to make me question who I was as a person. The truth is, they can think whatever they want about me as a person and there is nothing I can do about it.
Let’s examine the facts. The individual in question never asked or sought to know me, so their opinion is merely based on just that, their own opinion of me that can only be based on assumption, hearsay, and the minimal interaction they engaged in with me. I, on the other hand, have known myself my whole life. I am intimately familiar with my shortcomings and my strengths, the great successes and epic failures that I have experienced and learned from. That feels like a stronger ground to stand on. It was harder to accept that I would not be able to convince this individual of my worthiness of love. Then it hit me, I already know I am worthy of love. If they do not choose to partake, that is their choice and it absolutely has nothing to do with me, even if they would desire for me to believe that it does. It is my choice to assess and reject that notion based on my own experience engaging with the individual.
So the next time you feel your gut radar go off, always remember to trust it. Next, analyze the situation, remove the emotion it is evoking in you and review the facts. From there, you will begin to see more clearly and it will become easier to regain your individual power and transform your thinking. This will allow you to more easily choose not to engage in battle in the trivial effort of trying to change someone else’s perspective of you and focus more on your own perspective. This is where the real source of empowerment begins to reveal itself as you begin to discover that you are no longer controlled by other people’s thoughts and actions. You are free to be yourself, adhering to your own principles instead of other’s impossible expectations that were designed for you to fail in the first place. When you realize this, you can begin to release the adversary’s powerful hold on your mind and grant them the freedom to choose their own thoughts. You, in turn, become free to choose your own way of thinking about yourself, forgiving the adversary acknowledging that they are entitled only to control their thoughts based on their experiences in life, not yours. You can finally take a deep breath, and let it go!
Monday Motivations
Love the life you have, Get the life you want
What if you lived your life believing that you had already accomplished your dreams? How might that change your mental state? What would you do if you weren’t worried about where you were headed because you had already arrived at your destination? Would you take more time to smell the roses? Would you find yourself feeling more peaceful? Would you be more appreciative of the journey and how you got to where you are?
My bet is that you would. So my question for you is, what are you waiting for? Why are you waiting to get somewhere else to be grateful for where you’re at. The world has conditioned us to believe that the journey is something to be endured only to arrive at our destination. But really, isn’t life meant to be lived, felt, experienced? And shouldn’t we feel grateful for those experiences we encounter on the journey of getting where we are going? So why are you missing it? Why are you belittling all that you are right now for a belief that what is coming will be, has to be, needs to be better?
I have a feeling your answer to that question is that you aren’t happy where you are? So what is there to relish? What is there to be grateful for when you’re working a horrible job while going to school in order to forge a better future? What if I told you that it is that very desperate and debilitating mindset that is actually generating that miserable experience you are feeling?
I know that we as humans do not generally like to accept responsibility for our misfortunes, but indulge me here. What if I told you that learning to find gratitude in where you are can transform your current experience and the negative vicious cycle you are generating begins to shift into a journey full of potential, opportunities and growth?
What would change by shifting that perspective? I am telling you everything would change. The reasoning here is two-fold. First, the most rewarding feeling you can have is to learn to appreciate where you are at. I mean, let’s face it. None of us are actually promised a tomorrow. And we can never truly be anywhere other than where we are at any present moment. So why are we waiting for tomorrow to find value in our lives? All we are ever guaranteed is where we are and what we have right now. The second reason living your life with gratitude for where you are, not just where you are going, impacts how you are communicating with the world about who you are and what you are attracting to yourself. When you focus on all that you do not have, you are sending a message to the universe that you are lacking in your life.
I know what you are probably thinking, Well I am? So why wouldn’t the world respond by giving me what I want? But that just isn’t how it works. It is sort of like the notion of misery loving company. The more you complain, the more you attract others who complain. Meanwhile, those who are trying to look at the more positive side of life tend to distance themselves from the complainer because it is hard to remain positive in the presence of negativity. And by distancing themselves from that negativity, they become more in tune with themselves and all that is good in their lives. They, in turn, tend to start noticing other things that are good around them. Other opportunities seem to present themselves that may have always been there, but they may have been too busy being negative to notice them. Perhaps others weren’t interested in sharing the opportunities with them on the assumption that they simply wouldn’t be interested since nothing seems to make them happy.
The ideology behind this is that when you live your life longing for what you do not have, you are coming from a place of lack. It actually affects how you make decisions and interact in the world. Now, of course, I am not suggesting that you spend money you do not have or anything of that nature. However, if you approach your life grateful for what you already have, you tend to make different choices, better choices that may lead you to your “better life”.
Maybe you are going through something challenging right now like changing careers or finishing school. If you are constantly focused on the struggle that change and starting over often tend to bring, then you are going to make more defeated choices. This could cause you to miss an extraordinary opportunity because you were so focused on your despair.
What if you imagined that you were already where you wanted to be? What if you recognized that where you are is setting you up for the future, not the waiting room for your future? How would that change your interaction with others? You would likely be a more pleasant person to be around. You would maybe make a new connection that might lead you to that big break. I really cannot promise you what would change, but things would change. Because you are now CHOOSING to be grateful for who you are and where you are in your life. And Gratitude is a powerful thing!