Gratitude
5 Motivational Tips for Starting Something New
In light of it being the start of a new year, I thought it might be helpful to discuss the concept of starting something new. It seems like there is a lot of glamour and mystery in the idea of starting something new. A new job, a new school, a new opportunity, a new hobby, a new sport, etc. The opportunity to start fresh and make a good impression. But there is also the fear and anxiety of the unknown that accompanies that excitement and mystery. And if it has been a while since you have started something new, you might have forgotten how painful it can actually be to find yourself in a situation where you are not the expert on the matter. You may have experience with the task or the topic. You may have done it a long time ago. You might know that you will be great at it once you finally get it down. But it’s the ‘getting good’ that presents the challenge. And this is even harder for our egos to swallow if we have become accustomed to knowing how things are done and now we find ourselves starting all over. So here are some tips to keep in mind when you are feeling particularly challenged by your new experience:
- Rome was not built in a day. – I know there is a strong desire to dive in headfirst and prove to yourself and everyone that you are a rockstar. While it is extremely valuable to be eager and ambitious, it is also smart to proceed with caution and build a good foundation prior to taking the plunge. In the beginning, slow and steady might just win the race. If you rush through the basics, you may find yourself scrambling when you increase the difficulty of the task or activity. A good solid foundation is always a great recipe for success in the long run.
- Be open-minded and listen carefully. – Learning something new is what you choose to make of it. If you choose to question everything, you might be hindering your ability to open up to a new way of looking at things. And that new way of looking at things may, in fact, be your key to your future success. Just remember that you only know what you think you know and you don’t know what you don’t know.
- Be prepared for the unexpected. – You may be surprised that something you thought you knew well, you might not know as well as you thought. This makes me think of Forrest Gumps’ “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get” quote. You may think that you will be great at something right out of the great, but then you may struggle where you never thought you would. The more you can choose to embrace the reality of what is instead of what you believe to be true about yourself and your ability, the stronger you will come out in the long run. And you may find that you are more perseverant than you imagined.
- Embrace what you know to be true for you. – If you know you are a visual person, speak up, create visual components that will help you succeed. Do what you know works for you. You have been yourself your whole life. No one knows what works for you better than you do. And you might have to be your own advocate. You might have to create your own version of things. But knowing that and doing what it takes might just be what gets you where you need to be and you will be better for it.
- Stick it out ‘til you figure it out. – Do not quit. Do not ever give up on yourself. Even if you determine that you may not end up being the best, complete the program, finish the course, learn one song, play one game. There is something to be said for seeing something through. Even if you determine that it is not for you. Honor your commitments. It reflects on your character, but more importantly, it speaks to how you see your own value. If you promised yourself to try, you owe it to yourself to see it through for your own personal value and integrity to yourself. And who knows, you might surprise yourself. Often we tend to quit, give up, or sabotage ourselves when we feel challenged so we can blame someone else when we fail. But this only hurts you, because now you will never know what would have happened if you had stuck it out.
Here is a fabulous music video by Avicci called Broken Arrows that I think displays the concept of persevering extraordinarily well. Enjoy!
Additional Credits:
- Featured Photo by Jordan Christian on Unsplash
- Avicci – Broken Arrow
Recharging After the Holidays
I don’t know about you, but I always come out of the holiday season drained. All the events, the rushing, the extra-exertion can really take it out of you and leave you feeling depleted. And if you are an empath like I am, you may also notice that you are on energy absorption overload.
Empath – (loosely defined) A person who absorbs the emotions and energy of others involuntarily – click the hyperlink above for a more complete definition.
I thought it might be helpful to suggest a few ways to rejuvenate your energy field and reconnect you with yourself. Not so much as to say a new year a new you. More like revitalizing who you already are and clearing the way to let you shine in the new year!
Remember that these tips are really great tools not just to use when you are feeling depleted. They are good to incorporate into your daily, weekly, and monthly routines. You will find that taking a little time for personal restoration and care can be quite a transformative experience.
Please share in the comments if you have any suggested personal restoration tips or techniques or any of your own personal experiences. Remember this is an opportunity for us to all learn and grow together! I hope you chime in!
Happy New Year! And until next time!
Embracing Your Truth
How do we come to intimately embrace who we are, how we feel, how we treat people, how we react to situations? I wish I could tell you that there is some sort of magic antidote, but alas, that is not the way these things go. But I do have a personal experience that I will share with you that greatly impacted me and has helped me to understand that, in addition to honing in on where you are focusing your attention externally, it is also important to take notice of how you are talking to yourself. This part may even be more important than focusing on your external thoughts as those internal thoughts carry more weight and can have a severe impact on your mental health, let alone your motivation to accomplish your goals.
I recently had a major breakthrough while meeting with my coach. I was sharing with her how I tend to be really critical of myself. I reprimanded myself for not making time to keep up with the ambitious goals that I had set for my blog despite the fact that I simply had a lot of personal things come up that prevented me from being able to dedicate the time. She asked me if I had anything traumatic happen in my childhood, as this harsh self-talk was proving to be a recurring theme. Instantly, I recalled that I had a bully in kindergarten and explained that it was very traumatic because I grew up in the country. So I was devastated by the ridicule and judgment I experienced during my first exposure to society. She then asked me if that was precisely how I was treating myself? Tears instantly welled up in my eyes. Despite my efforts to hold it back, I just could not. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not one to cry easily and that I am a fairly tough person that holds my emotion back until I am alone. But I was amazed that she was right. I knew it instantly. And I had been doing this to myself for a very long time, despite the fact that I am someone who has focused on my own development and healing a lot over the years. I was stunned that I had never stopped to ask myself why I was so hard on myself.
Since this experience, everything has changed for me. It’s like a weight has been lifted and I no longer feel the need to punish myself for not living up to what are typically extremely high expectations. I am no longer allowing my mental and emotional state to play a factor in how I gauge my individual success, both daily and overall. Of course, this is a work in progress, but I have continued to have a lot of personal things popping up since this experience. I have been amazed at how forgiving of myself I have been, keeping my positive thinking up and opting just to focus on the tasks at hand, reminding myself that I will be able to resume working on my goals, but I must deal with any issues that take priority first.
I am awed at the state of peace and calmness that has come over me since this experience. I feel like I have awoken to a more enlightened state of consciousness. I have even reflected on situations where I would normally react in anger and instead, I have embraced a more positive and forgiving line of thinking. I have also noticed that I have felt entirely more confident. These are changes that are extremely difficult to embrace and implement, yet they seem to be flowing out of me without effort.
I am sharing this with you as I hope that this will either inspire you to share a similar experience so that we can learn from each other and build each other up. If that is not your case, I hope this experience with inspire you to take notice of how you’re treating yourself and a) work to modify any harsh criticism you are telling yourself, and b) make an effort to identify where that negative self-talk is originating from so that you might have a similarly transformative experience.
Since this breakthrough moment, I have been analyzing some past experiences I have had where perhaps I reacted defensively in an effort to learn how this behavior was impacting me and my relationships with others on a deeper level. There is at least a handful of times in the past couple of years where I know that, as a result of feeling personal judgment by another, I lashed out in attack rather than seeking to understand their viewpoint. Of course, I was doing the best I could at the time, but I have had a few people describe me as intimidating, mean, or even scary at times, and I have always questioned where that was coming from. But now I think I know. Any time that I felt as if someone was passing judgment on me as a person, my bullied-child, alter-ego-self emerged ready to pounce and protect. I had inadvertently developed a subtype of my personality that was ready to protect and defend me at all costs after experiencing the bullying situation where I felt so helpless as a young child. I truly believe that the alter-ego-self served an important role in my adolescence while I strived to define who I was and find my way in the world, continuing even into early adulthood. But now that I am a full-fledged adult, that side of myself was coming off as aggressive rather than protective, which is something I would never want to do to another person. Understanding this about myself has been a little hard to acknowledge, but it also feels liberating to finally understand what others were experiencing from their point of view.
I am sharing this intimate revelation with you to show you that we all do the best we can with the knowledge that we have. So if you have ever behaved badly, forgive yourself. But also, seek to understand why; what is going on with you to prompt the reaction or action that you are taking that you do not like. Initially, it will feel like the prompt in external, but I have to be brutally honest and tell you that it is unfortunately ALWAYS INTERNAL. While the problem feels like it is out there, it is definitely in here if you know what I mean. This is a hard concept to embrace, but it is also one of the most eye-opening and liberating revelations once you can see it and own it. It is also a lesson that will likely reoccur in your life as you face various difficulties and challenges.
My hope is that by opening up to you about this experience and the self-examination it inspired me to seek, this might help you cope with or deal with any of the personal challenges you may be facing. My hope is that you will be able to look at that difficulty and ask yourself, Why is this upsetting me? Why am I reacting this way? What has happened to me in my life that is inspiring this reaction that is in contrast with my true self?
What Are You Focusing On?
Building on my post about Finding Your Pathway, let’s spend a little time honing in on where you are directing your attention. A friend of mine was sharing how they are having one of those weeks where everything is going wrong. We all know those moments where, just when you think it can’t possibly get any worse, it does. And you spend your time cursing the world and questioning what you did to deserve such misery.
If this is happening to you, I challenge you to slow down and pay attention. What are you focusing on? Where are your thoughts? I’m not much of a gambler, but I’d put my money on the fact that you are focusing all of your thoughts and energy on the thing that went wrong. Now, I know what you’re thinking: Of course I’m thinking about the horrible thing that just happened. It ruined my day; I’m in a bad spot; I’m never going to get passed this. Or any number of thoughts that keeps you stuck on that negative experience.
I hate to tell you, but by focusing your energy on what went wrong, you are karmically sending a message to the universe to send you more negative energy, another bad experience. It’s a universal law that like attracts like. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, misery loves company. That is exactly what is happening. You know the experience you have when you are spending time with that person who complains incessantly and you begin to notice that suddenly your perfectly positive mood dissipates and you yourself begin complaining about the evils of the world.
Energy is a powerful thing. And our thoughts are energy; vibrational messages that we are sending out to the world telling it how to interact with us.
No one ever says they pulled themselves out of a depressive state by focusing on their pain and complaining about their situation. You pick yourself up by mustering up the strength to find the slightest uplifting positive thought you can think and focusing on it until you find another positive thought. Then focus on that until you think of another. Next thing you know, you realize your mood has shifted, even if ever so slightly.
I know the skeptics are waiting to pounce, saying it’s all just coincidence. We can’t control our circumstances in life. That is true, I would agree. First, I don’t believe in coincidences. Second, we can control how we choose to think about our circumstances. That is where the magic is. I challenge you to practice the exercise I described above the next time life is giving you lemons. It works! And you will feel empowered and amazed. However, I caution you as well, that this is a practice, not a miracle. You will be fragile, easily catapulted from you newly discovered bliss back into despair. It takes time to expel the negative energy you have been drawing to you for so long. Don’t let that convince you that it isn’t working. It is! Practice finding the positive thought and embracing it!
Let’s imagine the following scenario: You have overslept and only have 30 minutes to prepare for work, traffic is heavy, the cafeteria is out of your favorite coffee, you forgot that you have a meeting first thing in the morning, you get to work and you realize your shirt is inside out.
Reaction A: You are angry that you have to rush to get ready, so you are instantly in a bad mood. You are cursing yourself and everyone else because you are angry at the situation. You road-rage your way into the office. Of course the universe would punish you by not having your coffee! You attend the meeting you forgot about feeling even more irritated by your miserable bad luck and you bite your colleague’s head off for telling you your shirt is on inside out. You are miserable all day and no one talks to you because you sent out a vibe that says: approach at your own risk.
Reaction B: You recognize your responsibility for not choosing to get up right when your alarm clock went off, but at least you got a few more minutes of sleep that you really needed. You rise promptly and give yourself a pep talk informing yourself that you now need to be very mindful of your time and prepare quickly. When caught in traffic, and you feel the stress bubbling up, you remind yourself that the most important thing is arriving to work safely and you will simply get there when you get there. Unfortunately, your favorite coffee is gone, but at least they do have regular coffee as an alternative to help get you moving since you are having a rough experience at the moment. You head to the meeting, at least you were able to make it in time to attend. When your colleague informs you your shirt is inside out, you burst out laughing saying your whole morning has been a bit inside out. Thanks for helping turn it around.
Which one feels better? B of course. So you see, you always have a choice in the way you choose to think about your circumstances. This is not to say that it is easy, because it is not. I get caught up in my negative thoughts all the time. But I build systems to help me pull myself out of them and I have a supportive entourage to help let me know when I’m going to the dark place. It’s ok. It happens. You just have to recognize that you’re headed there and start to turn it around.
Here is one tool that you may find helpful:
My dad, a philosopher, introduced me at a young age to the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen Master and global spiritual leader. I remember the first meditative practice that my dad suggested I try was Thich Nhat Hanh’s Half-Smile mediation. This is where you go throughout the day actively focusing on maintaining what is essentially a closed-mouth grin, called the Half-Smile. If you forget, you simply resume once you realize it. I remember thinking, you want me to do what?! But I did it, and the results were amazing. I was simply happy throughout the day. I wasn’t irritable, I was more receptive to even negative experiences. It was invigorating. So if you can’t find the positive thought, try the half-smile! I promise you will feel the negativity and frustration slowly begin to melt away and you will be well on your way to becoming your best self and living your best life!
Fighting Convention, Embracing Your Truth
I have been called a dreamer for my unwillingness to believe that we must simply settle for the limitations that exist in the world around us. I am always looking for that something more, the possibility that is tucked deep within the cocoon of impossibilities. I am always encouraging others to try to see things through the lens of what is possible, rather than get caught up in all that prevents that possibility. It is remarkable when we are willing to admit our limitations and understand that we do not know what we do not know and that if someone views the world differently, perhaps it is derived from an experience that we have not yet lived, a lesson that we have not yet learned.
Mona Lisa Smile (2003) is one of my all-time favorite and most inspiring films. There is one character that I find particularly interesting. That is Elizabeth Warren (Kirsten Dunst), better known as Betty throughout the film. The reason I find Betty Warren’s character so fascinating is because she is the most changed from the beginning to end of the film.
Betty Warren begins the film is as the iconic, traditional, well-bred young woman of the 1950’s. An intelligent, young lady seeking a collegiate education from Wellesley College, a privilege in and of itself according to the school’s president. She is the epitome of the unspoken role for young women of the time with the ultimate goal being to marry, set up house with their husband’s, and restore women’s place in the home, a fact which she verbalizes as the school journalist. Her voice serves to critique and attack anything that occurs that threatens the traditions embraced by the school, students and tenured faculty.
This is in stark contrast with Katherine Watson (Julia Roberts), an Art History professor who was extended a one year contract to teach at Wellesley. Ms. Watson’s character represents the new age woman who is unmarried by choice, without children, and looking to inspire the women of the future to seize the opportunity to pursue their wildest dreams. She is, of course, devastated to discover the battle she is up against when she realizes that the education seems to merely be a token experience prior to marrying and returning to the traditional role for women to rear children, have dinner on the table by 5 and be waiting for their husband at home.
The two characters butt heads frequently throughout the film as Betty sticks to her traditional beliefs and publicly denounces Ms. Watson’s subversive teachings. However, Katherine is not easily scared and fights back, going so far to insist that she attend class or Betty would fail the course. Betty, on the other hand, informs her that it is in fact she who is educating Ms. Watson.
So why do I find this dynamic relationship so fascinating? It symbolizes an invaluable lesson in life. We hold on to our beliefs so tightly, ready to march into battle over these beliefs that we mistake to be moral truths of the way things are and should be. That is until something occurs in our lives that makes them all come crashing down. That’s when it gets interesting.
For Betty, she follows all the rules of tradition with the promise that it will lead to happiness and prosperity, except it doesn’t. Her husband begins cheating on her, she learns from her mother that this is the true bargain in life that she signed up for, and very quickly, her fairytale unravels. And so, in the end, she files for divorce, a very controversial act for the era. She seeks a contact from none other that Katherine Watson to obtain an apartment and room with a character that had been portrayed throughout the film as loosely-moralled and self-destructive. Basically, she strikes out on her own, now willing to view the world with new eyes where she begins to embrace ideas and people she had previously judged in an effort to find her own perception of truth.
“Not all who wander are aimless. Especially not those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image.” Betty writes this quote in her final editorial as a tribute and send off to the lessons she learned from Ms. Watson’s example to follow her own pathway and not to be bound by the societal rules made to encourage conformity over free-thought.
The truth is, we are all Betty Warren in some way in our life. We all enter the adult world with certain ideals that we cling to, until something shatters them. Then we are left to our own devices to make sense of our lives, to find meaning in our suffering as well as our happiness. And that is the beauty of life. And we cannot skip the step, we cannot skip the lesson. We all believe our truths until it becomes evident that they no longer serve us. It can be even more frustrating to have to watch a friend, a child, a loved one go down that path of confidence to devastation to vulnerability. But it is extraordinary when you can witness yourself or your loved one emerge a stronger, more well-rounded person that no longer sees the world in black and white, but rather shades of gray because now they have begun to understand that the world does not look the same to all people at all phases in life. Life is meant to be discovered, embraced, questioned, as I said before.
Betty did educate Ms. Watson, but not in the way she thought. She taught her that even the most difficult of prospects can surprise you, and you may get your greatest teachings from your most unlikely source. And Katherine Watson showed Betty that life is not always what it seems. You have to look closer, beyond what you think you know, to see the true potential of existence.
So I challenge you to question what you know, consider what you reject, and embrace those whose values starkly contrast your own. They may become your greatest teacher, your dearest friend, or your soft place to land when your own fairytale unravels.
Mona Lisa Smile Quote and Clip
“Not all who wander are aimless. Especially not those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image.”
– Mona Lisa Smile (2003)
Mona Lisa Smile is one of my very favorite films and the quote that I referenced above highlights what I believe life is all about, seeking truth, our own personal truths. That is the purpose of life, to live it, learn it, feel it, question it, change it. That is the definition of A Journeyful Life ! Talk to you soon! Hope you enjoy the clip below!