Building on my post about Finding Your Pathway, let’s spend a little time honing in on where you are directing your attention. A friend of mine was sharing how they are having one of those weeks where everything is going wrong. We all know those moments where, just when you think it can’t possibly get any worse, it does. And you spend your time cursing the world and questioning what you did to deserve such misery.
If this is happening to you, I challenge you to slow down and pay attention. What are you focusing on? Where are your thoughts? I’m not much of a gambler, but I’d put my money on the fact that you are focusing all of your thoughts and energy on the thing that went wrong. Now, I know what you’re thinking: Of course I’m thinking about the horrible thing that just happened. It ruined my day; I’m in a bad spot; I’m never going to get passed this. Or any number of thoughts that keeps you stuck on that negative experience.
I hate to tell you, but by focusing your energy on what went wrong, you are karmically sending a message to the universe to send you more negative energy, another bad experience. It’s a universal law that like attracts like. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, misery loves company. That is exactly what is happening. You know the experience you have when you are spending time with that person who complains incessantly and you begin to notice that suddenly your perfectly positive mood dissipates and you yourself begin complaining about the evils of the world.
Energy is a powerful thing. And our thoughts are energy; vibrational messages that we are sending out to the world telling it how to interact with us.
No one ever says they pulled themselves out of a depressive state by focusing on their pain and complaining about their situation. You pick yourself up by mustering up the strength to find the slightest uplifting positive thought you can think and focusing on it until you find another positive thought. Then focus on that until you think of another. Next thing you know, you realize your mood has shifted, even if ever so slightly.
I know the skeptics are waiting to pounce, saying it’s all just coincidence. We can’t control our circumstances in life. That is true, I would agree. First, I don’t believe in coincidences. Second, we can control how we choose to think about our circumstances. That is where the magic is. I challenge you to practice the exercise I described above the next time life is giving you lemons. It works! And you will feel empowered and amazed. However, I caution you as well, that this is a practice, not a miracle. You will be fragile, easily catapulted from you newly discovered bliss back into despair. It takes time to expel the negative energy you have been drawing to you for so long. Don’t let that convince you that it isn’t working. It is! Practice finding the positive thought and embracing it!
Let’s imagine the following scenario: You have overslept and only have 30 minutes to prepare for work, traffic is heavy, the cafeteria is out of your favorite coffee, you forgot that you have a meeting first thing in the morning, you get to work and you realize your shirt is inside out.
Reaction A: You are angry that you have to rush to get ready, so you are instantly in a bad mood. You are cursing yourself and everyone else because you are angry at the situation. You road-rage your way into the office. Of course the universe would punish you by not having your coffee! You attend the meeting you forgot about feeling even more irritated by your miserable bad luck and you bite your colleague’s head off for telling you your shirt is on inside out. You are miserable all day and no one talks to you because you sent out a vibe that says: approach at your own risk.
Reaction B: You recognize your responsibility for not choosing to get up right when your alarm clock went off, but at least you got a few more minutes of sleep that you really needed. You rise promptly and give yourself a pep talk informing yourself that you now need to be very mindful of your time and prepare quickly. When caught in traffic, and you feel the stress bubbling up, you remind yourself that the most important thing is arriving to work safely and you will simply get there when you get there. Unfortunately, your favorite coffee is gone, but at least they do have regular coffee as an alternative to help get you moving since you are having a rough experience at the moment. You head to the meeting, at least you were able to make it in time to attend. When your colleague informs you your shirt is inside out, you burst out laughing saying your whole morning has been a bit inside out. Thanks for helping turn it around.
Which one feels better? B of course. So you see, you always have a choice in the way you choose to think about your circumstances. This is not to say that it is easy, because it is not. I get caught up in my negative thoughts all the time. But I build systems to help me pull myself out of them and I have a supportive entourage to help let me know when I’m going to the dark place. It’s ok. It happens. You just have to recognize that you’re headed there and start to turn it around.
Here is one tool that you may find helpful:
My dad, a philosopher, introduced me at a young age to the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen Master and global spiritual leader. I remember the first meditative practice that my dad suggested I try was Thich Nhat Hanh’s Half-Smile mediation. This is where you go throughout the day actively focusing on maintaining what is essentially a closed-mouth grin, called the Half-Smile. If you forget, you simply resume once you realize it. I remember thinking, you want me to do what?! But I did it, and the results were amazing. I was simply happy throughout the day. I wasn’t irritable, I was more receptive to even negative experiences. It was invigorating. So if you can’t find the positive thought, try the half-smile! I promise you will feel the negativity and frustration slowly begin to melt away and you will be well on your way to becoming your best self and living your best life!