I have been called a dreamer for my unwillingness to believe that we must simply settle for the limitations that exist in the world around us. I am always looking for that something more, the possibility that is tucked deep within the cocoon of impossibilities. I am always encouraging others to try to see things through the lens of what is possible, rather than get caught up in all that prevents that possibility. It is remarkable when we are willing to admit our limitations and understand that we do not know what we do not know and that if someone views the world differently, perhaps it is derived from an experience that we have not yet lived, a lesson that we have not yet learned.
Mona Lisa Smile (2003) is one of my all-time favorite and most inspiring films. There is one character that I find particularly interesting. That is Elizabeth Warren (Kirsten Dunst), better known as Betty throughout the film. The reason I find Betty Warren’s character so fascinating is because she is the most changed from the beginning to end of the film.
Betty Warren begins the film is as the iconic, traditional, well-bred young woman of the 1950’s. An intelligent, young lady seeking a collegiate education from Wellesley College, a privilege in and of itself according to the school’s president. She is the epitome of the unspoken role for young women of the time with the ultimate goal being to marry, set up house with their husband’s, and restore women’s place in the home, a fact which she verbalizes as the school journalist. Her voice serves to critique and attack anything that occurs that threatens the traditions embraced by the school, students and tenured faculty.
This is in stark contrast with Katherine Watson (Julia Roberts), an Art History professor who was extended a one year contract to teach at Wellesley. Ms. Watson’s character represents the new age woman who is unmarried by choice, without children, and looking to inspire the women of the future to seize the opportunity to pursue their wildest dreams. She is, of course, devastated to discover the battle she is up against when she realizes that the education seems to merely be a token experience prior to marrying and returning to the traditional role for women to rear children, have dinner on the table by 5 and be waiting for their husband at home.
The two characters butt heads frequently throughout the film as Betty sticks to her traditional beliefs and publicly denounces Ms. Watson’s subversive teachings. However, Katherine is not easily scared and fights back, going so far to insist that she attend class or Betty would fail the course. Betty, on the other hand, informs her that it is in fact she who is educating Ms. Watson.
So why do I find this dynamic relationship so fascinating? It symbolizes an invaluable lesson in life. We hold on to our beliefs so tightly, ready to march into battle over these beliefs that we mistake to be moral truths of the way things are and should be. That is until something occurs in our lives that makes them all come crashing down. That’s when it gets interesting.
For Betty, she follows all the rules of tradition with the promise that it will lead to happiness and prosperity, except it doesn’t. Her husband begins cheating on her, she learns from her mother that this is the true bargain in life that she signed up for, and very quickly, her fairytale unravels. And so, in the end, she files for divorce, a very controversial act for the era. She seeks a contact from none other that Katherine Watson to obtain an apartment and room with a character that had been portrayed throughout the film as loosely-moralled and self-destructive. Basically, she strikes out on her own, now willing to view the world with new eyes where she begins to embrace ideas and people she had previously judged in an effort to find her own perception of truth.
“Not all who wander are aimless. Especially not those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image.” Betty writes this quote in her final editorial as a tribute and send off to the lessons she learned from Ms. Watson’s example to follow her own pathway and not to be bound by the societal rules made to encourage conformity over free-thought.
The truth is, we are all Betty Warren in some way in our life. We all enter the adult world with certain ideals that we cling to, until something shatters them. Then we are left to our own devices to make sense of our lives, to find meaning in our suffering as well as our happiness. And that is the beauty of life. And we cannot skip the step, we cannot skip the lesson. We all believe our truths until it becomes evident that they no longer serve us. It can be even more frustrating to have to watch a friend, a child, a loved one go down that path of confidence to devastation to vulnerability. But it is extraordinary when you can witness yourself or your loved one emerge a stronger, more well-rounded person that no longer sees the world in black and white, but rather shades of gray because now they have begun to understand that the world does not look the same to all people at all phases in life. Life is meant to be discovered, embraced, questioned, as I said before.
Betty did educate Ms. Watson, but not in the way she thought. She taught her that even the most difficult of prospects can surprise you, and you may get your greatest teachings from your most unlikely source. And Katherine Watson showed Betty that life is not always what it seems. You have to look closer, beyond what you think you know, to see the true potential of existence.
So I challenge you to question what you know, consider what you reject, and embrace those whose values starkly contrast your own. They may become your greatest teacher, your dearest friend, or your soft place to land when your own fairytale unravels.